Happy New Year friendos! I hope you all had a wonderful time with loved ones, or off of work sitting in a cave, or with Making a Murderer – I got to go to Texas, my motherland, to spend time with family and it was pretty great! My brother let me take over his kitchen for an afternoon which in and of itself was an amazing gift because WOW SO MUCH SPACE. There’s an island! And multiple cabinets! AND A GAS RANGE. Thanks, Keith and Christy, for giving me #kitchengoals.
In addition to baking up a storm (Oatmeal Scotchies, sugar cookies, and peppermint bark…all you need for a Christmas sugar coma), I got to spend time with my niece, Beatrix. Bix is just past 2 1/2, and is incredibly persuasive when necessary. If a precious blonde cherub comes up to you and says “Coooooole, I wanna help!” you don’t say no. I mean, unless you’re a monster or whatever.
I don’t fancy myself much of a baby expert, but I guess she’s at the age now where she is absorbing everything, words or otherwise. So while she watched me bang the pan out on the counter to settle the bubbles in the chocolate layers for the bark, or helped me pour ingredients into the mixer, her baby brain was working overtime.
So why am I even bothering to tell you this back story? The day we were leaving for Florida, we were all at the house hanging out. Bix got a play kitchen for Christmas, and was determined to make cookies with me. Side note: even her play kitchen made me envious. While, yes, it was ABSOLUTELY HEARTWARMING AND ADORABLE, it was also a hilarious experiment in mimicry.
Cookies: Beatrix Edition
- 5 eggs
- A lot of sugar (or “too much”, depending on who’s asking), directly from the faucet
- Pour sugar directly from faucet into saucepan, set aside
- Crack eggs onto all-purpose cookie sheet
- Smash the hell out of your cookie sheet with a cookie cutter in order to mix the eggs and “no touch it!”
- Dump sugar onto cookie sheet, roll out until dough is paper thin. Somewhere in this step be sure to add your red, orange, and brown because you’re making “red orange brown cookies”.
- Put them into an oven which should be somewhere between “hot” and “hot, no touch”. Bake 10-85 minutes or until “when they be hot!” is reached. Leave them in the oven while you play Anna Elsa Dolls, then distribute to family members. Make sure you tell everyone they’re not allowed to eat them, and don’t explain why.
- Wait until you’ve distributed your cookies to the entire family, then immediately grab your aunt and tell her you want to make cookies again.
There you have it, folks. The secret.
Here’s to a new year, and new bakes! I got some lavender in my stocking that I can’t WAIT to use, and I still have a macaron mat that’s aching to be broken in. What do you hope to bake this year?
bonus picture: Beatrix’s first taste of Oatmeal Scotchie. This then turned into a “YUmmy YUmmy” song until the sugar rush ended.